Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Less talking, more tequila
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
