Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize