dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
either way he was missing a nipple.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
