how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Can you repeat that, but with context?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
