i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
