as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
