i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
