I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
