people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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