i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's shark week go big or go home
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
