Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
