He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
