I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
