I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
