The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
