Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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