no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
