It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
