I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
