Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
