It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
