Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
