You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
