i just google imaged poop.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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