I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
