Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
