wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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