Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
