Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We talked him into tasing himself.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
