I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
birth control should be required to get into college
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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