You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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