you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
