Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
