I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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