Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
