He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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