If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
