ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
