Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
