you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
