He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
