well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
