He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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