i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
