so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
