I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
