Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
