i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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