i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
