those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
