White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
