wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
