Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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