tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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