cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
