I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
