the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
