sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
