Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
