Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
