I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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