I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
