You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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