Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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