Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
