She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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