im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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