She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
