She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
