Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
