hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
