did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she woke up with a sticky ear
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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