Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
