Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
