I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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