I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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