checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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