I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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