I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize