GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
