A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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