Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
