I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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