you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
