i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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