the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
