Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
