Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
