I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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