It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
