fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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