I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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