Don't make out with my wife yet
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
