There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize